I still struggle between my responsibilities and my love, writing. As I've said, I may be a crocheter, a cook, and a slew of other things, but I'll always be first and foremost, a writer. Unfortunately, my writing gets pushed aside for more demanding things, like crocheting. And I've been all through this so I won't reiterate.
When I do write however, I want to be perfect. I want my work to be noticeably creative and still technical. On the first draft. ...Yes. I know.
Even though I understand that one has to work long and hard to establish their writing platform and shouldn't expect it to come easy, I guess in a way, I do expect it to come easy. I'm not afraid of hard work and long hours. Only I think I've kind of been kidding myself.
Don't be afraid to dream, they say, but you mustn't ignore the logic that follows, you shouldn't expect to get your dream easy. Without really thinking about it, I suppose what I have been doing is writing and hoping someone will read one of my articles and just snap me up. "Oh, hey, I like your style. Want to come write for us?" Not impossible, but highly unlikely.
I understand completely that I have a lot to learn but I figured I could still get noticed and learn along the way. And maybe I could, but I shouldn't survive on that rare possibility.
I suppose my main drive should be to learn, find my voice, and grow my writing platform. I need to shift my focus from getting discovered to actually writing worthwhile content. Writing method and style should be established and content should be new. I need to prove, even if only to myself, that I can be consistent and dependable.
Honestly, I hesitate to open up like this publicly. "Good" writers don't appear to have these flaws and definitely never show them. Therefore, this admittance to my failures makes me, well, human. And vulnerable to criticism. But the first step to growing and becoming a better person, I believe, is being willing to openly admit your faults.
So to you who are reading, I hope that you will bear with me and understand that I am just another person in this universe trying to make heads or tails of her life. Unlike the impression you get from other people's blogs, I do not have it altogether and pretending I do only complicates my life.
Ultimately, my life and future are in God's hands. If He wanted me to land a writing job right off He would have provided it. It takes me some time to see what it is He is trying to tell me but when I do, I know I can trust Him to give me His best. What more can I ask for?