|Fungus growing on hickory wood.|
If you have followed much of my blogging you will have noticed that I have a great many interests. Writing, of course, is at the top of my list, and more specifically, I enjoy writing non-fiction and fiction alike. But I have struggled in the past with defining just what type of writing is more important to me --what it is that I want to pursue most. I call it a curse, one that I inherited from my Dad, who got it honestly from his father. Too many interests cause a lack of perfection in all of them. And I am not satisfied with that. But the interests that I have are God-given, and therefore not a curse but a blessing. I just have to learn how God expects me to use them.
I thought I had found my niche a few years ago when I began blogging on marine science. All my life I have been attracted to the marine world and in school I eagerly took marine biology and maritime archaeology. Though that was some time ago, a lot of what I learned really came in handy, and was greatly reinforced, by the many hours watching NOAA's live footage of ocean exploration. I researched tirelessly and wrote a great deal. But I wanted to do more. So I pursued it professionally. I have had the pleasure to see some of my work published in SCUBA News for starters, as I have said in a previous post. But since I have not been able to commit all of my time to the activity, I have not advanced as much as I wanted to. A matter of priorities.
As I am sure most of you will relate, I have run myself dry struggling to accomplish so much in so little time. Unknowingly, it has become my main priority. My blogging clearly has suffered and sometimes it is all I can do to complete a satisfactory pattern at the end of the week for Crochet Spot. I even find myself lacking a desire to explore in marine science.
I would never have believed the disinterest or even loathing a person can have for something that was formerly so exciting to them when they run themselves dry.
I must admit, I hesitate to be so open with my feelings and can't help imagining what kind of awful repercussions might occur from it. But the truth is the truth and there are times when it becomes necessary to speak it.
So here I am again, asking myself what my real niche is. Or in better terms, what God really wants me to write. I thought it was marine science, and maybe it is, but am I overlooking something? Why am I so stale and uninspired? How do I shake this?
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before but there is a topic more meaningful to me than all of those I have brought up. Can you guess? --it's ministry. I believe strongly in my faith in Jesus and its effect on my life. What's more, I believe God has called me to ministry in some form. In my early years I wanted to be a missionary. Now that I am older, the label "missionary" carries with it more meaning than it did in my child's mind ages ago. There is a lot a person can do who has a heart to be a "missionary" and not all of it requires living in a remote village on the other side of the world. Although it does mean that too.
God is showing me that I can do the work of a missionary (which is pure and simple: spreading the gospel) in what I do right here. My blog is a platform and my desire to write is a means. Slowly I am realizing that this may be the direction God is leading me in. But I still have so many questions and uncertainties.
One thing is certain though. In order to find out what it is God is trying to teach me, and why I am so stale and uninspired, I am going to have to take the time to see. Everyone needs a rest once in a while. I have heard someone say that rest is just as important as work. Years ago I wouldn't have believed that. I do now.