If you’ve wondered why I have been a bit silent lately, let me just say that it was not of my choosing.
Last Thursday I was putting the finishing touches on my baby blanket for Friday’s free crochet pattern when a freak lightning bolt hit a tree behind our house. It fried a great deal of electronics. So much for surge protectors. We were out of internet for 2 days and I am still out of a good computer. I’ve typed some of this on my tablet, which is not easy, and wondering whose computer I can steal for further work.
However, if you think I am pulling my hair out in frustration, you are wrong. I probably should be but I’ve needed a vacation from work for a while and I haven’t given myself any. I suppose God did it for me. Granted, the cost to replace all these things is not going to be pleasant but we'll find a way to make do.
Being without internet for those 2 days was so liberating!
There was both no way and no reason to continue with business as normal. I was free from the guilt of needing to work, therefore I spent my time doing the things that I have been wanting to do. And do you know what? I felt like I accomplished more in that time than I do in a whole weeks time.
No distractions or business pressures weighing me down.
After finishing the baby blanket, I got out an old WIP afghan from years ago and started it again. I never give myself time to finish it because I am always trying to create something new. I didn’t know how long we would be without internet so why keep creating what I couldn’t share?
Frankly, any other time I would have taken advantage of this lull and tried to get ahead with my work, but as I said already, I was overdo for a vacation. I had absolutely no desire to go on and what's more, it didn't take me long to come to that conclusion.
I also wrote a few pages on a story that I have once again been neglecting. I didn’t have internet to refer to for facts, which was not so good for accuracy sake, but for my own focus I felt free to write without concern for the facts hanging me up.
I spent Friday afternoon sculpting. It was so good to get back in the sculpting groove! I don’t know how long it’s been since I last worked with clay but it was too long. I made this clay pebble pot that I had seen a similar version of on Amazon when I was looking for a pot for my succulents. I plan to put Irish moss in it and a few clay mushrooms. Can't wait!
Since I've been looking at ways to re-teach myself the creativity of sculpting, I thought I would make a few macarons with the leftover clay I had. I don't care much for macarons themselves but everyone seems to be doing it and I thought, what the heck, why not. Mine are obviously a bit tall but I don't care. They are my first ever! I've yet to paint them but I plan to share a picture when I do.
And lastly, I started another sketch like this one, and plan to do another as well. They're fun, and although I know I have a lot to learn in this area, I love to just fool around with it. I plan to share a picture of it when I finish.
The worst part of this "vacation" was the worst part of every vacation, getting back to work. Although our internet was repaired 2 days after it happened I extended my vacation until the beginning of the new week. However, when Monday arrived I still didn't want to start. I spent most of the day trying to get ahold of my information and files from my computer so that I could work.
This taste of no pressures was both good and bad for me.
I am finding it difficult to pick up the responsibility and forge ahead. The pressures to promote daily, build my traffic flow, put out worthwhile content both on my blog and in my business, has been slowly eating away at my joy. This is not surprising. Anyone who tries to grow their own business but keeps hitting a wall like I have feels the same. It's natural.
The question is, how long am I going to continue in this manner?
Until I no longer love what started me in the business in the first place?
One thing that has been brought to my attention by this is, in my pursuit of a prosperous business and blog, I have neglected things I once thought of the utmost importance. For the sake of relatable content I haven't written a godly living post in forever.
I've noticed a theme -- when I have both a craft post and a godly living post in mind, I struggle over which to write. If I write the godly living post I won't have time to write the other, or their posting schedule will conflict. I am sorry to say that more often than not, I stick to "business" and sacrifice the godly living post, telling myself, maybe next week it will work out.
Pretty soon I stop having anything to write in the godly living topic and I gradually stray from it altogether. The hill is all downward from there, and why not? Putting it simply, and rather brutally honest, when you choose your work over God's work, you're going to suffer. And I have been.
Is this why I have no motivation in my work? Could God be trying to get my focus back on what is more important before He blesses my business?
I think of the prophet Jeremiah when he tried not to speak the gospel:
"Then I said, 'I will not make mention of Him, nor speak anymore in His name.' But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not." (Jeremiah 20:9, NKJV)
So obviously, I have been reassessing my priorities. God has a reason for everything He allows, was He trying to get my attention? Well, I am listening now. I just hope I have the humility to learn from it.
All because of a freak thunderstorm.